Fort Bragg, North Carolina
8:02 P.M. EDT
THE PRESIDENT: Thank you. Please be seated. Good evening. I'm pleased to visit Fort Bragg, "Home of the Airborne and Special Operations Forces." It's an honor to speak before you tonight, (because you carry on the proud tradition of American psychopathic violence.)
My greatest responsibility as President is to protect the American people, (which I define as the extremely wealthy elite.) And that's your calling, as well. I thank you for your service, your courage and your sacrifice. I thank your families, who support you in your vital work. The soldiers and families of Fort Bragg have contributed mightily to our efforts to secure our country (in this case, the part of it now located in Iraq, known as The Green Zone) and promote peace (remember, peace is all about killing people). America is grateful, and so is your Commander-in-Chief.
The troops here and across the world are fighting a global war on terror (i.e., we can claim anyone, anywhere, anytime is a terrorist, tortue them, kill them, etc. and no one can do a thing about it). The war reached our shores on September the 11th, 2001 (thanks to the efforts of Dick Cheney and others). The terrorists who attacked us -- and the terrorists we face -- murder in the name of a totalitarian ideology that hates freedom, rejects tolerance, and despises all dissent, (Although this last statement describes us, it's ok when we do it, and we have ways of making you love it.) Their aim is to remake the Middle East in their own grim image of tyranny and oppression (but we should do it first, thereby reaping immense profits) -- by toppling governments, by driving us out of the region, and by exporting terror, (again, we're the best at this, not them).
To achieve these aims, they have continued to kill -- in Madrid, Istanbul, Jakarta, Casablanca, Riyadh, Bali, and elsewhere, (tossers can't even begin to match our record, though). The terrorists believe that free societies are essentially corrupt and decadent, (as do my supporters), and with a few hard blows they can force us to retreat. They are mistaken. After September the 11th, I made a commitment to the American people: This nation will not wait to be attacked again (we will do our best to continue to provoke it). We will defend our freedom, (by putting it under lock and key). We will take the fight to the enemy (which is anyone who knows what freedom is).
Iraq is the latest battlefield in this war, (but never fear, we will roll out new products according to our marketing studies). Many terrorists who kill innocent men, women, and children on the streets of Baghdad are followers of the same murderous ideology that took the lives of our citizens in New York, in Washington, and Pennsylvania (yes, we kill, and don't forget torture, innocent men, women and children, but again it's righteous when we do it, not terrorism). There is only one course of action against them: to defeat them abroad before they attack us at home (stupidity always being our strong suit). The commander in charge of coalition operations in Iraq -- who is also senior commander at this base -- General John Vines, put it well the other day. He said: "We either deal with terrorism and this extremism abroad, or we deal with it when it comes to us." (he then went and choked and gutted a teddy bear)
Our mission in Iraq is clear. We're hunting down the terrorists (damn, it's just like the Injuns!). We're helping Iraqis build a free nation that is an ally in the war on terror (free nations by definition always come into existence after genocide). We're advancing freedom in the broader Middle East. We are removing a source of violence and instability, and laying the foundation of peace for our children and our grandchildren (in other words, they will be killers too).
The work in Iraq is difficult and it is dangerous. Like most Americans, I see the images of violence and bloodshed. Every picture is horrifying, and the suffering is real. Amid all this violence, I know Americans ask the question: Is the sacrifice worth it (is the war porn on Fox well produced?)? It is worth it, and it is vital to the future security of our country (ahem, to the expanding bank accounts of our country's batshit crazy elite). And tonight I will explain the reasons why. (by blathering on about "terrorists" and Sept. 11, projecting like crazy, and planting a few seeds for our future plans for more "problem-reaction-solution" scenarios. Totalitarianism is on the march. There are no alternatives. War, death and privation uber alles.)