The River

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Political commentary, cultural commentary and funny stuff

Can all be found over at Amr E. Malik's Rantissimo. Amr liked my "Instasandbox" post and told me so in that cool feature called "commenting." I clicked over to his site from the comment box's convenient URL feature today and read all of Amr's current posts (well worth it). Then I saw his post categories to the right. Clicked on movie reviews and found the below hilarious review.

StarWars II, Attack of the Morons

Well, where should I start? Its just that I think StarWars was tired to begin with, but now it has become downright moronic! I almost kick myself for shelling out 10.50 C$ to see this piece of crap!

This was another one of the Lucas Schizophrenic Productions! The racism is as prevalent as ever! now we have added Jedi knights who are half an inch away from a proper Mullet. Yes george, we know, you like mullets, you have one.. but fer cryin out loud, do you have to give the defenders of the galaxy a bloody mullet? I mean.. we ARE talking about thousands of years in the future where the top notch conduits of "the force" still like to defend themselves from laser fire by a flick of their light sabres!

The whole movie is about Anakin and that Queen chick trying to get their hands on each other, and about Anakin and Obi-Wan having cat-fights while the bad guys, yet again, succeed in getting to the prize, the erect nippled beauty whose name I forget, and whose name I have no intention of learning. The "love" scenes, and the "wooing" that went on, on Anakin's part, basically made me wish that I had brought a sharpened pencil with me to the theatre to stab myself in the eyes with!

Some impressions:

Jedi's are a bunch of idiots.

Yoda feigns his disability most of the time, cuz in the final fight seen, he can be seen buzzing around the bad guy like a bloody bee!

The American Redneck culture (mullets and all) permeates not only this galaxy but a galaxy far, far away as well!

The guy who played Anakin should be beaten severely (just like that).

Most bad guys in the universe have dark skin.

Most Stupid creatures in the universe have big fat lips and they look like whoopi goldberg.

Only the WASPy looking whities end up being in the good bunch of people.. how ODD!

There will be a "bankers' alliance", this race, oddly enough, fits the stereotypes of a race on planet earth accused of being "money handlers".

If you put a bunch of freaky looking, halloween costume wearing, two legged creatures (better yet if they are cheesily animated) in a movie with no fucking plot and no message whatsoever, you can call it "science fiction", and bungholes like me would go watch it. Seriously, its true!

George Lucas is a huge Redneck, Racist, Asswipe!

I'm a friKKKin moron to go watch this movie!

Over and Out!

Comments: Post a Comment