The River

Monday, November 20, 2006


Learn About Cargill

Opportunities
Our employees work in fields, labs, mills, kitchens, offices, production facilities, cyberspace and on trading floors. They wear hard hats, crunch numbers, seal deals, and invent new products and processes. They collaborate with colleagues and customers to create solutions that build rewarding careers, successful businesses and enriched communities.

Recruiting Events
Cargill has a constant, unflagging need to bring on folks and make them part of our engine. That's because we have a constant, unflagging drive to satisfy our stockholders with excellent dividends. That in turn is because of our nature. More precisely, it is because we are a large corporation.

Benefits
The benefits of working for an enormous multinational enterprise should be obvious. You are protected from the vagaries of the weather; given adequate housing; fed appropriately and without overemphasis on any one food group; permitted to wash at appropriate intervals; etc. It may seem silly to list benefits that we all take for granted, but they do distinguish our employees from over one half of the earth's population.


Lots more comedic gold here

Find courtesy of bmo

Comments:
ROTFL!!!! That is a gem. "Work for us, and be permitted to wash at various intervals; cos if you weren't working for an enormous multinational enterprise and were part of the Southern peripheric half of the planet we're busily fucking over, you might not get that luxury."

"constant, unflagging drive to satisfy our stockholders with excellent dividends. That in turn is because of our nature. More precisely, it is because we are a large corporation".

Is the writer an undercover lefty I wonder, that is some serious corporate self-awareness?

"vagaries of the weather; overemphasis on any one food group" I'm still laughing

Reducing workers to an animal or material condition (We'll call you a cog and reduce you to a list of bodily functions, and you're going to clamour for it and thank us for it) - charming! Also a sign of realities of ever greater confidence of corporate practise in terms of workforces, sweatshops, etc.

Great post!
 
Hey ob fusc, it's a satire either by The Yes Men or inspired by them. Excellent, isn't it?

I just checked, and the actual corporate site for the company is cargill.com, rather than cargillcorporate.com.

I wouldn't be surprised if an undercover revolutionary did get one by the gatekeeper though, ya know?
 
Aha, wow, they got me! In hindsight I should have smelt a rat - but I'm gonna say (to cover my shame) that is an *awesome* stitch-up job - very subtle...! I've never come across the Yes Men but just checking out their website, absolutely loving the concept... great subversive way to get these memes out there.

PS you and I should be those revolutionaries in our copy-writing day jobs hey...
 
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